Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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