Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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