Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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