Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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