Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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