Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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