Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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