Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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