Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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