Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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A seal walks into a club...
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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