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Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don't know the words.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?
Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.
The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where do orcas hear music?
Orca-stras
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?
Super Pickle!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?
He just couldn't put it down.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.
Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?
A river.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date
but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
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