Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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