Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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