Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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