Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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