Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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