Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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