Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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