Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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