Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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