Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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