Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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