Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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