Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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