Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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