Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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