Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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