Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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