Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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