Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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