Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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