Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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