Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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