Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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