Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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