Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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