Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.


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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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