Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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