Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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