Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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