Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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