Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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