Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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