Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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