Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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