Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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