Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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