Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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