Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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