Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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