Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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