Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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