Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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