Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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