Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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