Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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