Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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