Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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