Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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