Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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