Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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