Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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