Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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