Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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