Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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