Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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