Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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