Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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