Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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