Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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