Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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