Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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