Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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