Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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