Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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