Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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