Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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