Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
or
None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
or
It saw the ginger snap.
or
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
or
At the crystal ball.
or
I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
or
Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
or