Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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