Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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