Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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