Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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