Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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