Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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