Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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