Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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