Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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