Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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