Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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