Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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