Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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