Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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