Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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