Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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