Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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