Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).


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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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