Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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