Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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