Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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