Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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