Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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