Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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