Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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