Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog

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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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