Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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