Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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