Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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