Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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