Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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