Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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