Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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