Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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