Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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