Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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