Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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