Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.

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