Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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