Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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