Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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