Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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