Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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