Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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