Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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