Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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