Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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