Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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