Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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