Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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