Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine

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