Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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