Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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