Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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