Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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