Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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