Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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