Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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