Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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