Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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