Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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