Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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