Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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