Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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