Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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