Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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