Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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