Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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