Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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