Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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