Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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