Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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