Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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