Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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