Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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