Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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