Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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