Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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