Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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