Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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