Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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