Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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