Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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