Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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