Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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