Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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