Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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