Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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