Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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