Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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