Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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