Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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