Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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