Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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