Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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