Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.

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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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