Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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