Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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