Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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