Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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