Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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