Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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