Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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