Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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