Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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