Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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