Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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