Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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