Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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