Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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