Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.

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