Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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