Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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