Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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