Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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