Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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