Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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