Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...

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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.

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