Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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