Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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