Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year

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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.

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