Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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