Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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