Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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