Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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