Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.

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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies

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