Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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