Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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