Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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