Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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