Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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