Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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