Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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