Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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