Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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