Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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