Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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