Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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