Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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