Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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