Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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