Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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