Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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