Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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