Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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