Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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