Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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