Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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