Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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