Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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