Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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