Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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