Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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