Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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