Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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