Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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