Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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