Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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