Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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