Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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