Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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