Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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