Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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