Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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