Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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