Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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