Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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