Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.

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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"



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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?


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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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