Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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