Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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