Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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