Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.

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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.



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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards

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