Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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