Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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