Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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