Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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