Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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