Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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