Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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