Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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