Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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