Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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