Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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