Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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