Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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