Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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