Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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