Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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