Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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