Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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