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Why don't honest people need beds?
They don't lie.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?
A hot dog
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What element is a girl's future best friend?
Carbon.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?
Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?
A swordfish
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
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