Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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