Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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