Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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