Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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