Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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