Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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