Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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