Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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