Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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