Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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