Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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