Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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