Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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