Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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