Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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