Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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