Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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