Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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