Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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