Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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