Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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