Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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