Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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