Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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