Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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