Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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