Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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