Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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