Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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