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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?
They wear snowcaps.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"
Time is fun when you're having flies
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.
That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What does the toast wear to bed?
Jammies!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
Stick his bill up his ass.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?
By relocating it to a casino!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing
but you accidentally say Mother.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?
Camembert.
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