Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda

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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

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