Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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