Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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