Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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