Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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