Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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