Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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