Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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