Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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