Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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