Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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