Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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