Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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