Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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