Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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