Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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