Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.

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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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