Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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