Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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