Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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