Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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