Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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