Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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