Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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