Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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