Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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