Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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