Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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