Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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