Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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