Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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