Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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