Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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