Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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