Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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