Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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