Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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