Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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