Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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