Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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