Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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