Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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