Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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