Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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