Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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