Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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A seal walks into a club...
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