Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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