Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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