Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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