Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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