Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.

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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

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