Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story

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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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