Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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