Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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