Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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