Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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