Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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