Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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