Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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