Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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