Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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