Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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