Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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