Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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