Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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