Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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