Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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