Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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