Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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