Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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