Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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