Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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