Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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