Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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