Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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