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Why is Superman's costume so tight?
Because he wears a size "S".
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?
King.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?
By relocating it to a casino!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,
I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I tried nutella on some salmon
got salmonella.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.
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