Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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