Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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