Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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