Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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