Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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