Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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