Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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