Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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