Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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