Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.

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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.

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