Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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