Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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