Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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