Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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