Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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