Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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