Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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