Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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