Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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