Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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