Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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