Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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