Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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