Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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