Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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