Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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