Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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