Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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