Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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