Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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