Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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