Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.


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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.

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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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