Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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