Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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