Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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