Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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