Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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