Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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