Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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