Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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