Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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