Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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