Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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