Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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