Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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