Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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