Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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