Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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