Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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