Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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