Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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