Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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