Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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