Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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