Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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