Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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