Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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