Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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