Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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