Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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