Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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