Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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