Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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