Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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