Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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