Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That isn't funny!

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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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