Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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