Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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