Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.

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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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