Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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