Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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