Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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