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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?
He was caught stealing second base.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?
Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?
Because it goes good with chips.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?
The Elfabet.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?
Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.
Blue sky at night: day.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.
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If you don't know what introspection is,
you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why does cheese look sane?
Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?
Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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