Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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A seal walks into a club...
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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