Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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