Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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