Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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