Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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