Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!

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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.


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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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