Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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