Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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