Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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