Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!

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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.

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