Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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