Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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