Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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