Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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