Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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