Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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