Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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