Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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