Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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