Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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