Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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