Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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