Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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