Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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