Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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