Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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