Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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