Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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