Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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