Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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