Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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