Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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