Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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