Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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