Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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