Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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