Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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