Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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