Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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