Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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