Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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