Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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