Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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