Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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