Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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