Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.

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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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