Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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