Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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