Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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