Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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