Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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