Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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