Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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