Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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