Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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