Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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