Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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