Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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