Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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