Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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