Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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