Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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