Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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