Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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