Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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