Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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