Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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