Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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