Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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