Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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