Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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