Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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