Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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