Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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