Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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