Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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