Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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