Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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