Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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