Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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