Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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