Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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