Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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