Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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