Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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