Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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