Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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