Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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