Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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