Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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