Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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