Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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