Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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