Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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