Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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