Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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