Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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