Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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