Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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