Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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