Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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