Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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