Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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