Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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