Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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