Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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