Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.

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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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