Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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