Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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