Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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