Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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