Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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