Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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