Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.

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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.

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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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