Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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