Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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