Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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