Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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