Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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