Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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