Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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