Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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