Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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