Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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