Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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