Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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