Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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