Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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