Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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