Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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