Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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