Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.

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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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