Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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