Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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