Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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