Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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