Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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