Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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