Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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