Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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