Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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