Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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