Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!

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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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