Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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