Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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