Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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