Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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