Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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