Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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