Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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