Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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