Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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