Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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